So fed up with this battle
Hi all I'm embarrassed to be reaching out again. Had a bit relapse on the weekend acted out. Slept with an ex that is so toxic to me. Upset my family 😪😪😪 why why why cant I just stay sober I'm fed up with trying failing then trying again. Cant get into aa even though I have been going to meetings for years. Sacked my sponsor few weeks bk and decided to just do it myself. Ex doesn't get it says you should just plan it better make sure you are alone then have a few??? Why doesn't he get that I can't control it. He's a daily drinker but stops at a bottle of wine a night. I want total sobriety because of the mental health impact of the poison. Just in tears I'm 47 been a binge drinker for 30 years with a few years of total abstinence but I always go bk and try again. What a mess this is feel beaten down