Torn, I really liked your post. And it's actually an insight I had during my own recovery that was helpful. I was sitting there one day wondering why I was dealt the alcoholism card. I didn't want it. I never asked for it. I even looked down on alcoholics. Why me? But given the odds, "Why not?" At first, the attitude sounds cavalier. And no one wants to be cavalier, but it's a serious question, and something we must embrace before we can move forward.
Here's another way to look at it. I've made bad choices that got me here. Why do I even think I deserve to recover from this? On the other hand, "Why not?"