Hi Me68,
Welcome, and of course sorry for what brings you. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is a wonderful book to read, but I also have found that in the early days, when I was feeling as you do, questioning what I was dealing with, not really understanding fully...I read the Big Book of AA, and it helped me to not question my own sanity while dealing with an active alcoholic. Making a move is always scary, but your home should be your sanctuary...a place where you can relax and feel happy. We all deserve that.
Glad you found this site, lots to read here as well.