Here I am again
Hello...I am new to the group, new to alcoholism (or so I claim) yet here I am living through the same incidents I have been dealing with for 12 years.
my husband is an alcoholic. His father was / is an alcoholic and I tried to put that all aside and think that I could manage this ....it was just a few drinks ...he is a completely functioning alcoholic...how bad can it be? Well 12 years later I am finding out.
I don’t even know how to describe the feelings I am experiencing. I feel as though my heart literally hurts. I am scared, afraid and lonely and don’t know where to turn.
the drinking started today at 11 am. By 7 pm he became angry with everything thing I said or did. I try not to speak and that only makes me hurt more inside. He accused me of saying something I never said about not letting him give money to a relative. I argued back this time and said I never said such a thing. He then continued to make no sense ...I know better than to try and discuss things when he is in this state. I left the house ...he never cares where I go or when I come back. This hurts too. I came back this evening to find he had been on the internet trying to change beneficiaries for his investments. I have trusted this man with my paycheck for 12 years and have never questioned his actions because he contributes much more to the household than I do. feel like a completely stupid idiot!!! If we divorce he will likely get the majority of the money because he came into the marriage with more which I understand but I can’t believe I wasn’t smart enough to protect myself financially.
Tomorrow he will wake up and neither one of us will say a word and the silence will last until he heads out of town again Monday and then we won’t speak again until Friday. Nothing ever gets resolved. He will eventually start being nice and talking and I will move past it (but never forget it) and in a week or two we will go through the same routine.
we have lost all our friends because he has gotten angry while drinking and said nasty things to them.
I am sure I /we could continue to live like this for the next 20 years until we are in a nursing home but I am just not sure how much I can take mentally. I don’t want to go but I don’t want to stay. I am so lost, hurt and confused.
I am sorry for the rambling...I just don’t know where to turn.