Wow, I do not envy your position. My view on life has evolved over the years. I used to be quite socially liberal but through my own actions and observing actions of others I have tightened up my views. My own personal opinion is that non monogamous relationships are very dangerous emotionally. I have other beliefs but I will withhold them.
A couple things about your post stood out to me. First, you have decided to never tell your kids about their dad. I’m not saying you are wrong about that, but I think there is a possibility that telling them is actually better for them. Especially if you’re telling them from a place of care and love. You may consider giving your kids the benefit of the doubt that they could process the information in the best way possible. This may allow them to learn more about the relationship they had with their dad and why it was the way it was. Also, if I found out my dad was a sex addict, I wouldn’t suddenly not love him or hold him in contempt. I would acknowledge his sickness and assess how it may have impacted me. It might be helpful. Again, not telling you to do it, just that this burden of keeping this secret may not be helping ANYONE like you think it is.
Next, your resolution to never be close to another man again is clearly a defense mechanism. You have been hurt and you have cut off that part of your life. And for now, if that’s what you feel is best then by all means continue. But I think that’s something to you should re-examine as you move forward. You already know the man you were with was sick. So maybe it’s time to consider forgiving him and forgiving yourself. Not in an attempt to prepare yourself to get back out there, but to free yourself from the resentment of him and the self loathing. The world has done a number on you and you’re all closed up. You’re trying to protect yourself and everyone else. But your method is to keep
secrets and lock everything away. The truth really can set you free. I hope you consider some of the things I said. I’m sorry it’s not better written, I’m on my phone and I am rushed but felt compelled to reach out.