Hey guys,
Thank you for all your considered responses.
I asked because, in the past, I've been on SSRIs, hooked on weed, and currently struggle with alcohol. I exercise, meditate, work my recovery plan, but my emotions are, at times, overwhelming.
I apologise if I failed to frame the post correctly. It was born of frustration and a continuous struggle to navigate life without an emotional buffer. Part of me wants to go to the doctors so they'll prescribe me something to relieve the anguish. But I feel that'll take me back to where I started - dependent on anti-depressants, and batsh*t crazy without them.
I've been upset lately by people telling me 'it gets better', but then finding out they're taking this that and the other. 'No wonder it gets better - I want some of that!', I've thought. This was two people I look up to IRL; two sober mentors. It just left me feeling like, do people really get entirely straight? Honestly, I'm reeling, lost, and confused. Not trying to hurt or pick at anyone, I'm just raw right now. Struggling to accept it and move on, as Lumen pointed out. But we're all a work in progress I guess.
I'm almost seven months clean from cannabis but have relapsed with alcohol recently after hitting 100 days. I can't seem to rid myself of all my addictions, and it's wearing me down. They're interchangeable for me, and I'm just sick of this chemical carousel. If it isn't these, it'll be SSRIs again. F*ck.
@Nez - I appreciate you playing Devil's Advocate. He or she is always needed! ''
Not only that but the earth is round, so it has a lot more than two sides'' - I love this, too 
@BABM - You're right, I am looking for a softer way. Trying to come to terms with the fact there isn't one. Always appreciate your input.
@WeThinkNot - Your post was very inspiring - congratulations with all you've accomplished. I've done the semen retention thing previously, and also intend to get rid of my social media accounts soon. I think I'll join you in 2021 with caffeine, too!