trailmix

Well, this is not his boundary or yours, this is his rule, there is a big difference.

He can't make a boundary for you, or a rule for that matter, he is not your Dad and you are not a child.

Boundaries are for the person themselves. Say for instance you know that you never want to live with an alcoholic or someone who drinks. Your boundary might be - I will never live with someone who is an alcoholic. Now, that has nothing to do with the other person, it's all about you. So the next step would be, what is your plan if this should happen. It might be, if the person I'm living with turns out to be an alcoholic they will have to leave or I will.

Now, on that same note, a rule would be, if the person I am living with is drinking, they will have to quit drinking.

See the difference? In the boundary, it's all within your own power, you are controlling yourself, you are not actually asking the other person to do anything. You might share your boundary in some instances, but it's really not necessary but if you did, it's completely up to them if they decide to follow it or not.

In the second example, of a rule, you have given all the power to the other person, for your life decision. What if they don't want to change? What if they refuse? You can't change people.

So that's the basic difference.

Your Husband is just trying to force his control, to make a rule for you. That's never ok in adult relationships, it's insulting and disrespectful. I hope he is getting some support, it doesn't sound like someone in recovery.

Another good example of a boundary.