Starting again at the bottom
Hi all just wanted to introduce myself again. I have been on this site off and on over the years but I decided to ditch my old profile due to privacy concerns.
I am starting out on this sober journey again having had my last drink on 10/14/2020. I am a binge drinking, blacked out, hung over, shame filled person. There is no end to the rationalizing and justifying I use to go get my next drink.
I have tried to get sober many times over the past decade plus. On the outside I appear as a perfectly normal man in his early forties. I am very successful and have a good life. On the inside I know I am fighting for my life.
The thing is it does not seem that way after I get sober for awhile. It seems like I am missing out on life, to be an anti social non drinker. Then I start drinking again until I convince myself that this has to stop for good, which takes months or years.
I am looking to figure out a way to stay stopped.