Originally Posted by
Flowing 
I'm not sure if I want to continue this fruitless pursuit of sobriety or just accept the fact that I'm always going to be broken in some way or another and stop fighting for perfection.
I relapsed this past Wednesday because I was blind to and thus blindsided by an old trigger. Like you, I wondered if my pursuit of sobriety is fruitless.
And yes, after the PTSD/panic attack incident I felt very broken. Unfixably broken. Hopeless. Actually, I still fear I'm hopeless, but I'm willing to try to see if there's a way I can live happily (which means soberly) around my brokenness.
Please stick around. Please keep trying. Everyone is broken in some way.