Hi Flowing. I'm sorry for the painful time you're going through.
It took me a while to finally realize drinking was never going to comfort me or provide any relief from troubles. It only added to my misery & disappointment.
The last time I tried to drink away my emotions was just before I found SR. I was in terrible shape & couldn't imagine a way out. The more I read & posted - the more hope & courage I found. We all understand! I think you've learned something valuable - let's try this again.