Treeguy my brother do not beat yourself up! We all have that addict in us here and we have all messed up and done things we know we shouldn't do with drugs and alcohol. These are very hard times and COVID put me over the edge as well. The fact you are here today and admitting you made a mistake that you wish to grow from says a lot about you and how strong you are, and that you are a good person who cares. You know you can beat this, you have beaten it before. Unfortunately we cannot kill addiction we can only knock it down. So we have to get in the ring for a rematch every so often. It sounds like the first round or two of this match with addiction you have taken some punches but you are not knocked out! You came to the corner of the ring between rounds so we can clean you up a bit and adjust the strategy. We will win this by the 10th round and will not let it go to decision. Take some deep breaths, you do not have to win this round just do not get knocked out! Try to take it easy the rest of today, damage control. Food, naps, anything to slow the attack. We are here for you, I totally understand and I care about you bro.