Originally Posted by elizabeth1979
Heres my dilemna as a codie.
When I minimalize the behavior by assigning fault to the disease, I am in essence enabling the addict to continue the behavior I find assaulting.
I am doing that by way of not allowing the consequences of the behavior to be his when I pin it on the disease.
How does that work for you? I mean that, I am curious. I don't mimize the behavior, and I hold the addict accountable.... but if they are active, I have NO expectations for an outcome. That means I can say - "I can't have this happen in my house anymore" and if it does, then the consequence - addict on the street - happens.
I
think this is how it works for me...
The person I love has a disease called addiciton.
While aflicted with the disease, the addict (diseased person) does unacceptable things.
The disease is behind the unacceptable behavior.
I hate the disease.
My feelings for the person do not change.
I have boundaries around behavior that impacts ME.
The diseased person (addict) breaks those boundaries.
I have to remove myself from the addict's behavior, or remove the addict from me.
If I think the person I love is CHOOSING bad behavior, then I have to hate the person... and I don't want to do that. But I don't think believing in the disease will change WHAT the addict does or does not do.
At least, I think that is the thought process that allows me to love the addict and hate the disease.