59 days today!
Just popping in with my periodic check in I am super happy to say that I made 59 days today and the last time that I had 59 days I ended up relapsing on 59 right before I hit my 60 Milestone....
I've been knowing this whole time that this time was going to be different and that I was going to push past that 60 and that's exactly what I intend to do.... I have not one thought or intention in my head about drinking or using drugs and if I do I dismiss it as not an option so for that I am greatful.
But I am going through some mental health and medical issues and I Just want to vent for a moment because I feel I don't have anyone to talk to...
At the moment I am probably one of the most stress that I've ever been due to my situation in life right now and I am supposed to be having gastric bypass surgery in a couple days to fix my previous bariatric surgery but I'm severely anemic and they want to do a blood transfusion first and I may have bleeding ulcer, etc,... I have the choice to cancel the surgery and reschedule it but if I do that I don't think I'm going to be able to afford it later if I don't do it now but it's causing me a ton of stress... also I know that addiction transfer is very real because after I had my last bariatric surgery that's when my alcoholism got so much worse because you're not able to eat more than one or two bites at a time so the only other thing to drowned your emotions out in is basically alcohol. And as for right now because I'm newly sober I am using food to cope and too soothe myself with... if I do go through with the surgery I'm not going to be able to really eat much for a while.... so just sitting with myself all day not using alcohol or drugs or even being able to eat I just don't know what I would do with myself that just sounds stressful but I have been fighting eating disorders since I was 8 years old and I am just so tired of it😫
... I also haven't had any work in about 3 weeks and have gained 15 more lbs....
On a good note today I just started a new mood stabilizer and next week I am going to start with a therapist for the first time in a long time...
I'm not trying to be negative as there is a lot of positive things going on right now and I am definitely proud of myself I just don't feel very well health-wise and am overwhelmed. I don't know that I'm looking for any special advice or anything but I just wanted to get that out there because my friends are not being very supportive right now and I don't have family.
Thank you for listening!