Who knows if he is cognizant of the hurt he's caused. Maybe? Only he knows that for sure. It's true he numbs himself with alcohol, but trying to ascribe WHY he does that will get you nowhere fast. I found it has always been better to accept that other people are the way they are and not really concern myself with why. All that does is distract me from the real question, which is Can I have someone who is this way in my life right now? Knowing that nothing I do will change them, will my boundaries allow for that? Most of the time the answer is no. That doesn't mean I don't have compassion for their situation, but it does mean I won't be putting myself in a position to suffer the consequences of their actions.