The emotions can be overwhelming, but I think the more pressing matter is your decision to get clean first. I think you need to focus on getting through that initial period of getting clean and off the drugs and then you can begin addressing your emotions and feelings. If you are serious about getting clean, keep posting on here. Go into the chat room if you need to. You will get a ton of support from good people on here. Be kind to yourself and try not to beat yourself up right now. Stay strong.