First night sober extreme emptyness And loneliness much inner pain and sadness
I'm 59 I look likd I'm barely 40....I'm hooked on heroin I'm a massive drug addict I hide it very well.... The other night I finally passed out after days of no sleep meth and a **** ton of heroin only to wake up 3 hrs later with 15 minutes to get ready for the arrival of a stranger to me,that a friend here in Oregon sent to pick me up and drive me back here to Oregon where I'm from i e. Ben gone 12 yrs or more two terms in san quentin a ten yrs long failed marriage a d now I find myself. Back in Oregon which is what I've wanted so.badly for so long. The trip here was grueling straight thru only stop for gas a couple of. Times....I was out if heroin so it wasnt long before my body starting aching and hurting because I was withdrawing.still after arriving at 5 am this morning I'm withdrawing still.zo I decided I might as well kick this crap once and for all... It's after midnight I'm in a mobile home alone a d sick what I'm feeling now is what I realize I been feeling for months just worse the last couple. I feel a depth of emptyness and loneliness And pain inside that feelS like I'm going to die of heartbreak. I'm so intensely depressed right now I'm becoming completely filled with dread and fear inside. I'm in gold hill Oregon in a mobile on a golf course ... I haven't had any kind of loving relationship with anyone in yrs ... I'm completely broken right now and I have no one hold or sleep next to at night when having a partner would help so much .. several things getting ready to happen soon that is going to break me the rest of the way . I want to just go sit somewhere in the forest and not eat or drink or even move I just want to passaway. I want to walk outside and just start screaming I want to not feel like crying all the time I want to not. E filled with dread right now the loneliness and pain is so intense right now I need a miracle I need someone to love me and to let me live them I don't want to live with this pain and emptyness anymore please god please take this from me sends me a friend send. E a love please
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misspells
MizspeM