Originally Posted by
Icemelon 
The crumbs of kindness are a real thing that i latch onto. Makes everything feel better for a short period until I am abused again.
Yes, that is also a hook. You feel awful. I mean any breakup feels awful, of course. But then you think, I would rather have half an hour of relief than go through this misery. That's where you have to stand firm, that half hour of relief is going to cost you. You don't get off the crazy train and it just keeps rolling along.
Staying no contact is key. Even if you have to take it in 5 minute or half hour increments. You can do this, it's not easy and it hurts but it really is the short term pain for the long term gain.
Keep imagining yourself free of this, free of the pain without him. He is not your partner, you are not in this together and he is looking out for number one only (himself and his addiction). As long as you are hooked by him you can't go out and enjoy your life. There are a lot of genuinely nice men out there, ones that will treat you very well, why would you settle for less? And why on earth would this guy, tell you how to live your life?
There are healthy relationships out there and you deserve one of those, absolutely.
You can get through this, you can be free of him, but it will take time. Reach out for all the support you can get, be that Al Anon meetings, posting here, talking to friends (that understand addiction, if you have any), try to do things you enjoy (even if you don't feel like it). You are not alone, there is lots of support for you out here.