Hello Icemelon, Welcome to SR!
I'm sorry you have been through so much lately, and I'm concerned for you and how you are reacting to it all. I agree with SparkleKitty about taking some time to think about everything that has happened. We are all human beings, and we are occasionally not on our best behavior--that can be forgiven. It sounds as though he has treated you with a great deal of disrespect for a while, now. I'm worried because you seem to think that sort of treatment is OK as long as you don't lose him.
I had low self-esteem for a long time as a young woman, but I've learned to value myself as a woman. I know that I can bring a lot to a relationship, and that I'm worthy of respectful and kind treatment. You are, too! I hope, in time, you see that for yourself.
I hope you will take this time to take good care of yourself and concentrate on getting a good job--one where you can thrive!