Please help me, im so exhausted
We have been together for 3 years and both in our 30s. Since he was a teenager, he took drugs, ecstasy, ketamine, coke...anything. He became a crack addict. I left him 6 months ago because he was using and treating me terribly, I hardly even saw him.
Then whilst I was away it got so bad that he had to move in with his mother as he didnt pay his rent.
His mother took out a mortgage on a house for him to pay off, as he was now apparently clean and had set up his own business. Anyway, because I thought he got clean I got back in touch after no contact for months.
And now we have met up twice and had some nice times, he seemed good.
Then last weekend it was his birthday. He half heartedly invited me to his family meal but on the day I heard nothing. I was so upset.
And then I looked on his facebook and realised on that night he met friends in my area (we dont live in the same town), without seeing me, and smoking hundreds of pounds worth of crack between them.
He was on his way to work in London a week later, and popped in my house for 10 minutes to give me 5 citalopram tablets as he was worried about me! He said hes doing so well with his business and hes too busy to see me much at the moment. And his business is going to be on TV.
Then he left for London and I gleaned from facebook that he was hours late for his job, the lady hes working for was very cross. And other people worrying about him.
Anyway, I lost my job Saturday and was very upset. I got drunk and texted him that I know he smoked crack on his birthday and hed rather see anyone but me. He said well its nothing to do with me and its over.
Yesterday I rang him and he just kept saying he loved me but i need to sort my head out, hes done nothing wrong and hes entitled to a blow out.
I just feel so bad and unloved. Ive hardly heard from him and hes been in London nearly a week. And him making out hes such a success now, whilst im the one with the issues.
Is it me in the wrong somehow? Can he get better from a drug addiction without professional help? Does he just not love me or is it the drugs?
My head feels so messed up.