Never give up
This is the first time I have logged on since September 2014, although I haven’t been a stranger. I needed this site more than anyone can know to get me to where I am today, 3 years and 9 months sober. I do not like reading back on my old posts however it helps to look back and see where I have come. How have I managed this length of time and not feeling that I ever want to go back? I knew that if I did not change my life I would lose everything including my life. The look of disappointment on loved ones faces, the crippling anxiety and depression, hiding alcohol and the embarrassment when it was found, and it goes on. I knew that I couldn’t just stop drinking I had to change my life. As everyone will know the first days and weeks are horrendous, for the first year I would suffer really bad cravings every 3 months, and as time went on the period in between got longer until around 2.6 years the cravings got fewer and fewer. I read every self help book I could, I didn’t socialise where I knew there could be temptation until I knew I was ready, I journaled, still do, and took up mindfulness and meditation. At the beginning one month seemed like forever but as time went by life got easier. Do I get caught out in my thoughts sometimes and think a drink would help, yes however I have a file in my head that is filled with the pain, the regrets, the embarrassment and I open up that file when I need to. Apologies for the long post, all I want to say is never give up, I didn’t ever think that I would be here. I hope to be logging in more often and help where I can.