Originally Posted by
Obladi 
So it sounds like your therapist thinks maybe you'll give more credence to what a medical professional might advise? Is that true? Do you need medical direction to believe that you might benefit from AA or rehab or whatever?
My therapist mostly wants me to see a psychiatrist, because she thinks I'm in need of prescription drugs (against depression and insomnia) and she is not allowed to prescribe any medication. That's the main reason.
I always ask myself all of the time since several years what originally started and caused me to be in this current bad mental state. Like did depression/insomnia cause my alcohol addiction or is it the other way around? What is the central reason?
It's like all those 3 things began at the exact same time during my youth and I never managed to improve on any of it and they all fuel each other. It's like feeling depressed in the evening leads me to drink alcohol, if I can't sleep at night it leads me to alcohol and even if I drink alcohol on an evening/weekend/vacation where I'm actually feeling good, it makes me feel depressed very quickly. The depressive thoughts and sleepless nights lead to alcohol and vice versa. Like a vicious, endless circle.
I only get a proper amount of sleep maximum 1-2 times a week and on all of the other days I either sleep only 3-6 hours or some nights nothing at all. This sleeping pattern is going on since 5 years now. It drains my energy and the alcohol doesn't help of course. If you don't properly sleep for years, your brain turns to zombie-mode and that's how I feel every day. Without sleep you get dumber by the day and your memory slows down like you are becoming a demented person.
Some of you wrote that prescription meds don't properly work while still drinking alcohol? In which way? Like could it actually damage me even more, when a psychiatrist prescribes me antidepressants or sleeping pills while I still go on drinking every day?