Hey Beav
I'm sorry you drank again - I know the despair and the shame and the fear associated with that.
Try and remember you've stopped before.
You can stop - you just need to work on staying stopped now
If your life is built around working yourself into the ground so much you need to knock yourself out with booze, thats got to change. Balance is needed.
I think you might need to make more use of support too - posting here after a bender is good, but not as good as posting before.
Maybe, like BABM suggested, something like AA or another meeting based method could help too?
You can do this Beav
D