batchel-------lol--Yes, I think that your Are missing a few things. I think that few people understand the course and nature of alcoholism unless they have a special reason to research and study it. Even doctors and therapists don't know much about it (except, maybe for the physical symptoms) unless they have had additional study and experience...Who knew?
It often comes as a complete shock to the partner when/if the alcoholic Finally---finally---goes to rehab and does not come out as the kind of person that they were first dating. After all, the partner may have spent years thinking that if the alcoholic wasn't drinking, that things would be great. In fact, it can be even worse when the alcoholic is sober, than when they are drinking.
Genuine recovery is much, much more than just putting down the drink. While not drinking is a necessary first step---the real work comes after that. Rehab just points the alcoholic in the right direction.
It is up to the alcoholic to adhere to a Life-Long program of recovery principles. There is not "cure" for alcoholism---it has to be kept in remission.
Geuine recovery takes a long time to begin to see results. It involves changing ones thinking and attitude and practicing a new way of being and behaving. The chang in thinking leads to a change in attitude. These changes can lead to an eventual change is behaviors. This can begin to take place in about a year---for those who are willing to diligently work a strong and continuous program. Getting into genuine recovery takes 2--3---4--5 years---depending on the alcoholic and who you talk to,
After all, it usually takes several years to get to the point of needing rehab---and deep changes don't happen overnight.
Unless the alcoholic is willing to do the hard work that is required, eventual relapse is usually in the cards. If the recovering alcoholic drops away from their program---even after several years---relapse is still in the cards.
batchel----you may be unrealistic in your expectations of your ex.----given what you have shared with us. You may be better off is you lower your bar on what you expect of him.
I think it would be good if you studied alcoholism and the natural course of the disease----so that you will know what to expect---or not to expect. There is a lot to know. You won;t be able to change him---change has to come from the inside of him. But, knowledge can make life easier tor you.
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