I empathize with your feelings.
I am also 95% done with a past relationship that was very important to me.
On top of losing my Dad that I took care of for 2 years.
On top of losing my sister.
On top of losing my Mother..all of this in 1.5 years....
I feel like LONELY is not a strong enough word....I will tell you what my therapist said to me...because it is the only "hope" I have left (to possibly keep me from drinking) after going thru so much this past year and then...on top of that being in the hospital 1/2 dead at least 2x myself this year due to alcohol....
My therapist says: Look for reasons to NOT DRINK....vs. looking for reasons to drink. I was lucky she didn't use the word "excuses" to drink...because I feel we have valid "REASONS" some of us want to numb/drink over.
When you said 'I want to work on myself"....That is all I ever wanted to (I was always the caretaker as well)
It finally just "hit" me couldn't work on myself...I was not giving myself much of a chance to either because I was..bouncing back and fourth from sober to drunk...most I could get sober in 6 years was 2 weeks (well 2018 I had 8 months).
I have 30 days now....I don't know HOW I am not drinking....I am empty inside...but I do know I am doing everything in my power to not drink because we can't work on ourselves when we are always drunk or hungover.
The first couple of weeks are like a rollercoaster...give yourself a chance to get by the first couple of weeks, when you say "work on yourself "what is it you want to work on?
Keep that thought in mind..."manifest it"....
Make a goal to get past the longest time you went and do whatever that "thing" or "things" are to START helping yourself to be healthy....