Originally Posted by dandylion

Bidg-----regarding that short list of concrete suggestions that I gave you----even as you state that you can't face the "turmoil" that being on the "other side" might entail-----
Would it not be a good idea to start the classic baby step approach----that would prepare and bolster yourself. Notice that the first step is to get more help and support for yourself--especially, the face to face kind.
Getting your own team of people who understand and have your back is essential. Over the years, I have noticed that those who are willing to get real help and are willing/open to make changes--even the baby steps---are the ones who get where they want or need to go. This applies to alcoholics and co-dependent partners, alike.

Would you take off to climb Mount Everest or sail around the world without preparation? Wouldn't you do everything in your power to learn all you could and fortify yourself in every possible way?

The way it looks, now, is that you are handing over all power and responsibility for yourself and family over to the practicing alcoholic. Waiting for her to change for the better---or waiting for her to get worse. Either way, it is giving the decision making over to her. Given that alcohol controls her, at this point---Alcoholism reins King in your family. lol---the hierarchy of the power.

In regard to your question about if she knows she is an alcoholic and knows how much it is affecting the family---and, whether she knows and just can't help herself.
Here is my response to that question----
I think that she is aware of a powerful force within herself to compulsively reach for drink after drink. And, that compulsion is so strong that it dominates all else. A force that causes her to struggle each day---all day---to just get through to the next drink while keeping her nose just above water. I suspect that she doesn't stop to even label this force as "alcoholism". I suspect that she doesn't really stop to think much about how it is affecting her loved ones----it would be too painful---and it would interfere with her DENIAL----one of the main defenses that allows the alcoholic to keep drinking.
With how much she is drinking, daily---she is bound to be almost never really sober and clear minded. Even when the alcohol blood level is zero---or nearly so---the withdrawl symptoms are kicking in---begging for anther drink.
There is a real biologic basis for this---in additional to the psychological ones.
If you haven;t already studied the neuroreceptors in the brain---in particular, the ones operating in the amygdala---I suggest that you do so, You will learn about the chemical basis of our motivation, pleasure seeking, feelings of well being, etc. These are all very critical to how we feel and how we behave. I have a couple of books that have the latest scientific research. if you are interested.
It explains a lot.
Also, remember that much of the time----the logic that you crave for her is not possible. Because, to a great extent, her frontal lobe of the brain is chemically (neuroreceptors) excised. That is the area of the brain where logic, and judgement, planning, etc. is located. The executive functions of our brain. It is hard to be fully aware and thinking when a part of the brain is not even engaged.

Remember, also, that you are remembering everything she does (as well as recording it)----but, when she is drinking that much, she doesn't remember much of what happens. She is blackout drunk.