Sapph, I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend, and I'm sorry that you feel some guilt about the situation. Congratulations on 13 months of recovery. I think your statement here says it all.
So this is my message for today; I need to take it and learn from it, use it to keep me on this sober journey.
Connection is everything in sobriety. I also must make a shift and there can be no place for shame.