Sapph21

So this morning I learned of the sudden passing of an old friend of mine to alcoholism. I have been in recovery for 13 months, and though this was not completely unexpected, it is tragic and still taking me aback somehow.

I had been friends with this person for many years, and stopped seeing her last year as I was trying to get myself into a healthier place (I.e. sober) without the added triggers (it was never spoken about, but I suspected she might be in a similar alcoholic place as me at the time...some of her behaviours were becoming relatable). I had kind of thought that maybe it was all in my head, and I was just projecting my problems onto another, so I didn’t address it with her. I’d thought somehow that if it was meant to be, we would cross paths somehow and our journeys would realign. I didn’t really think our paths would diverge so very drastically.

Truth be told, I was ashamed of my own issues, and was fearful of judgement.

Alas, apparently she went on a decline since and had reached out for help with the program, but just couldn’t get her feet beneath her again. My heart hurts knowing the misery she must have felt, and somehow I wish I’d reached out to her to let her know she wasn’t alone. I wish I’d told her that I was in the program (we hadn’t crossed paths at meetings, so I didn’t know she was there).

So this is my message for today; I need to take it and learn from it, use it to keep me on this sober journey.

Connection is everything in sobriety. I also must make a shift and there can be no place for shame.

I wish you all the best, love, strength, and sobriety.