Sounds like my XAH. I was very codependent with him, not sure why as I have never been like that with anyone else but then I have never dealt with an functional alcoholic before. I put up with crap for years, never got better just got worse. I knew I didn't deserve any of it as it does break down your self esteem and it is hard to climb out of that crap that you are dealt with on a daily basis. I did make excuses such as he is an Alcoholic, he is just drunk, he doesn’t mean it, it will be better tomorrow, he will pass out soon. Marriage is a partnership and shouldn’t be about hoping he passes out soon, hoping it gets better tomorrow, hoping he will not be a mean drunk but a quiet one today. Leaving him was one of the best things I ever did in my life and looking back cannot believe I put up with that for 10 years and wasted 10 years of my life. Looking back I was defiantly going through the motions. I hope you find the strength to not put up with the emotional abuse any longer, drunk or not, drunk is not an excuse.