suncatcher----before I read your second post, on this current thread----I was going to suggest that your could cut through a lot of the weeds if you laid the cards out on the table. lol---I am so happy to see that you already beat me to the punch on that.
You already know the "truth" about the relationship/situation. You won't be able to walk in your own truth as long as you are pretending, to him, that it is otherwise. To hide the truth about your feelings and needs. in the relationship, I think, would be the cruel thing, in the big picture. I think that he is entitled to the truth. And, I feel that it is cruel to yourself to continue to go through your life with a millstone around your neck.
Actually, the direct approach to the truth can be amazingly efficient----as opposed to long detailed explanation that is designed to change another person's mind. (you won't be able to change his mind or control his reactions). I can be as simple as saying kindly "I am changing---and, I can no longer be a beast of burden. Your alcoholism has been killing me".
I. also, suggest, that. at some point, it would be a good thing for you to apologize to him-----apologize to him for enabling him in his alcoholism. Let him know that your are truly sorry for that, and that your are owning your part of the "dance".
To do the above----yes, it can be scary, as well as relieving----and, you will have to be brave. However, I know that you are far more capable of bravery than you think. None of us ever know how brave we can be until Bravery is the only option left. It is a funny thing----bravery only shows up at the very exact moment that we Need it.