Originally Posted by SmallButMighty

Suncatcher, for me, coming to terms with my mate's alcoholism and my own codependence was a long drawn out process that spanned many years. It was a slightly different situation, as we were married a long time and had kids, that complicated my decisions. Or at lest I let it, change is hard and I was fearful and reluctant. It took me a long time to learn what I needed to know and to grow strong enough within myself to start changing MY life. Of course that was not well received by the alcoholic spouse. The more I changed my own behaviour and my reactions (or lack there of) to his behaviour, the more strained our relationship became. He changed manipulation tactics numerous times trying to find the one that would work, my anxiety spiraled out of control. Eventually I realized that wasn't a life I was willing to endure for the next 40 or 50 years. I'd watched my parents and grandparents have long, unhappy marriages. I didn't want to live the last half of my life miserable, watching the man I loved but couldn't trust drinking his life's potential away. I was devastated that my marriage, to my high school sweet heart and father of my children, ended in divorce after more than two decades... but for me, it was the right decision. It took a long time to heal, but I'm happy and I'm healthy. I'm remarried to a man I can respect and trust. Life is peaceful and calm. I never could have achieved this level of serenity had I remained tied to a man not willing to commit to true recovery. Of course, that's just my story, other's around here have chosen a different path. We each have to decide for ourselves what we are and are not willing to allow into our lives.

I know how difficult these "growing pains" are. You just can't "unknow" something once you have realized it and that can make for some very uncomfortable decisions..no matter what you decide. Been there my friend, it sucks.

Wishing for you clarity and strength as you make the decisions you are facing.