Noam, just wonder if there is some perfectionism mixed in with this feeling of having to prove you were “worth” adopting and destined for greatness?
where being ordinary isn’t good enough?
i was, by my parents, always expected to be better than i am, and also to do better than i do (i.e. “successful”).
took a toll. my reactions to that were at times shame and smallness, but mostly rebellion, anger and not even trying.
took me a while of being sober to really grasp that perfection was not only not achievable but not required. of me. by me.
don’t know if any of that is resonant with what you’re speaking of.