Ellie323, Looks just like a list of fears I had, however, I just turned 10 years sober. I still have those friends but I don't see them any more and they're not crying about it either. You'll do a lot better finding yourself and starting over without the booze and have more money in your pocket. There is this thing in our minds that we around here call the AV(Addictive Voice) and it might be a good idea to take it seriously. It will use every trick in the book to trip you up and make you drink. I suffered quite a bit in the early days but after about a year most of the fears became greatly diminished. You can do it, we are all rootin for ya.
