For me, it took a long time to accept that I can never drink again because for whatever reason, I cannot contol my drinking once started.
My AV depends on achohol for its survival and so will say or do anything to get me to drink. Same way my lungs will do anything to get me to breath because they need air. My personal OP is that my AV really thinks it is acting in my best interest because for my AV its survial is my survival and vice versa.
But I know better. My addiction and its voice are not like my lungs. I do not need alcohol to survive, quite the contrary. Lungs a different story.
So I consider my AV to be part of me, the same way my inner 2 year old is a part of me. I deal with them both about the same -- the more time I spend engaging the less time I spend living and no matter what, never act on my AV even if my A$$ falls off.
I think for me on some level the idea that I am defective in the sense that I cannot drink is hard to accept in my emotional core becuase for so long drinking was an intergal part of me. But its like being diabetic, some of us just are or become that way. Not good or bad, just is.
And above all else, never forget that abstinence is not control ala Dee.
Another great thread Dee.