When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
Part of my "letting go" was to go to meetings...for ME. I read books about codependency, Codependent No More became like a bible to me, I read it over and over and came to understand why I was how I was...and learned that I could change and choose a better path. This had been unthinkable before recovery.
I knew my addicted son would be furious, his lies no longer were effective and I could spot them before he finished the sentence. I no longer had the need to "prove" anything, I knew he was using and addiction looks like addiction. His tantrums, anger, sweet talk, pitiful stories no longer moved me, and this part annoyed him more than anything. He opted to "go missing" for a while. I no longer went into panic mode, I just prayed and left the outcome up to him and God.
In the end he did walk out of my life for many years and I confess that I often wondered if he was alive or dead. But my recovery had my back, I could turn to faith that God would take care of him and then I lived my own life well and found a healthy happy new way to live each day.
Once I let go, there was no turning back for me. There is nothing in this world that would make me return to the dysfunctional life I had been living. I am not afraid anymore, not of anything. My faith sees me through the rough days and my program and daily prayers and meditation see me through the rest.
Letting go may be the hardest thing any of us ever do. But it is the one thing that will change our lives and and make them worth living again. Kick fear to the curb and just let go, I promise you will be glad you did.