I don't fit in either, tap. That's why I like ya. It's good to know another soul who wouldn't even "belong" on the Island of Misfit Toys. Or at least shares that feeling. I'm pretty sure there is a you there in your center. It just needs some time away from the booze to start regenerating and firm up.
I'd rather fill my stomach with gallons of custard. Where I come from that's a special kind of ice cream, akin to gelatto. But I think "your" custard is what I'd call pudding, no? Not sure I want any of that at all, in my trousers or elsewhere.
There is absolutely no need for you to define yourself here or anywhere as an alcoholic or a person with a disease - you know that. Alcohol has caused you trouble. That's the important thing. Well, getting help to get (stay) away from the trouble is the thing. At this point in time, I think of my problem with alcohol as being just another mental health illness. I've also been diagnoses with anxiety, panic attacks, major depression and suspected PTSD. None of that is nearly as bad when I take my meds, but I have had a tendency to stop that when I start feeling better, which is insane but also makes perfect sense, right?. Some long time ago earlier in my addiction I would also stop being sober when I felt better. In both cases, it's a very bad idea to stop doing what makes me feel better in the first place.
There is nothing in your post(s) that indicates you have any beef with SR. I think maybe you're being somehow proactively judgmental of our judgement. I have no judgement for you, tap. Just a wish that you continue to express yourself. Whoever that is. It's a far cry better than retreating back into nothingness. You know where that goes and I hate to think of anyone being there. (*shudder*)