Childhood trauma. Yeah. I've spent a whole lot of time trying to 'sort' that stuff. And for sure my addiction is somewhat tied up in that. But I know, without a doubt, I cannot sort anything while drinking.
Just my experience: There are no answers in my head. Who knew? My actions seem to play a much larger role in how I feel.
There are no answers in my past. If I look back, I stay back. If I stay grounded in my childhood, I will never grow up.
I really tried to 'process' blah de blah all my bs. And there is much. I have also caused a lot of pain (hurt people hurt people). I found more growth in making amends through my actions and forgiving myself in the present, then trying to dig through the past. Forgive, move forward. Its all I can do.