Maddoc78

Hi All,

I thought it would be easiest to just start a new thread and provide an update as to where I am mentally and in terms of the situation with my ex ABF.
I blocked him for about a week....and then yes, I touched the fire again. In my mind, I was totally in control. I thought----I know the deal. This guy is a drunk. He is a mess and this won't ever be a real, healthy long term thing. But right now I am also dealing with my uncooperative estranged husband.....work that is a stressful ********...and some health issues. I am a BC survivor and needed to have surgery to fix issues with my implants. I just didn't have the mental energy to work on this part of life and it seemed easier to just go with the flow and enjoy his company, take it for what it is when it is....someone to have fun with, vent with....have someone tell me how sexy I am, have great sex with.....pass the time as I wait for my divorce to wind through the system. ANd I thought when my divorce went through if he STILL had no proof of his, bye bye....we talked and he swore on his mother's grave that he had filed for divorce, the shutdown had slowed the process. He loves me, he didn't love her...said things like, "I WILL be your next husband you realize that?" and I would always say, yeah well get a divorce first. "Oh, mine will be simple." We hung out several times....had a blast. Once when he went out for a cig, I asked the one bartender, "hey while M is gone, tell me all his secrets, haha..." and she said oh he doesn't have any, what you see is what you get haha. He came back in and I told him, hey, Mel won't give up the goods on you, I tried, haha....another night, a guy came in who speaks Spanish (I am fluent) and so I asked him, hey, what is the deal with M and X (the maid he claims leaves her **** all over his house). THe guy looked really uncomfortable and said oh they have their thing, I dont' get involved. I told M about it and said, what i "your thing?" and he bullshitted some answer. Again....I let it slide. We hung out a few more times and it was great.

I had my surgery and family came to take care of me. He said his son was coming home to visit.....I said that is great. he said his wife was also coming down. I said why? To hang out? Why if you are getting a divorce? He said no, she is coming to get her **** out of the basement. I told her it needs to go.

Now---this is an accurate thing---there are boxes of stuff of hers I have seen piled in the basement. To me, this made sense----you are getting a divorce, possibly losing this house, you probably want to get your crap out of there before it gets tossed.

While I recovered these past few days he has been texting and checking in on me.....called me this morning (yes drunk). As we are talkign I said, so how did it go with K? I mean, did she come get her stuff from the basement? He said yes, she was here...she took some stuff. She took a lot of stuff. She gave me a painting. It's of a guitar (he was a musician before). It is on my mantel. I said...wait...why would she do that if you are getting a divorce? He said, let's not do this now. I don't want to do this now, not while you are recovering and on pain pills. I said oh, I am not on any pills. Let's do this now....

"I am going to work things out with my wife. You and I can't see each other anymore because I need to make it work with her." I said...WTF? Seriously? you love her? You want to be with her? He said, "no, I dont but that is what I was told I needed to tell you." By who?? Who told you to say this? He said, I can't say, it doesn't matter. But, I am married to her and I should try to make it work. I said.....make it work with someone who is physically abusive? He said yes, yes she is....she will never let me go. If she finds out about you, she will stalk you, she will beat the **** out of you. You don't want this drama in your life, you really don't. You need to just walk away from this. I said, so...you never filed for divorce. He said no, I lied. And I am pissed off that you went behind my back asking about my secrets. Maybe next time read the room better, do you think anyone would tell you anything? I said, well that is the point----I wasn't sneaking around.

And he goes on about how everyone loves her, everyone thinks she is hot which he doesn't and that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but doesn't see why I would ever put up with his ********. I can do so much better. I said, so what you are going to move to PA and live with her? He said no, no, she lives in a women's shelter. I said, what, with her kids?? He said yes.....at some point you would think she would get it together and get a place but no....He told me her full name and I said, I already know that, you know I know that----and he said, ah so see you are a stalker too.

I know, everyone said, how to tell an alcoholic is lying, their lips are moving. Accurate. I don't know why he felt the need to go above and beyond with what he felt for me....fill my head and heart with his crap.

He said we should talk later today....when I am not half asleep and he is not drunk, for closure. My head is spinning.....