Nobody can tell me what is going on in my head except me. I am retired military, 2003, and it took about 6 years to accept my position in the civilian world. I was a leader in the military. As a civilian I am a line worker.
I ramped up the drinking when I retired from the military. I rationalized it was time to have my cake and eat it. But really, I was just digging my hell hole. Climbing out was horrible. Rx med free suffering was my only way out.
I am clean for about 5 years and I still get down off and on. I have this saying...as long as I remember they don't really like me, it all makes sense. Some folks think this saying is foolish, but it allows me to walk away from situations with my head held high.
Exercise is my go to new doc. A good workout keeps me feeling content for about 2 or 3 days. I work out 4 to 7 days a week. Depends on my recovery.
Helping folks, like now, helps me too. Gratitude is a big deal. Education about what I am up against saved me.
I have ptsd from my time in the military and paws from drinking. I am also heavily kindled. I am getting a little better everyday.
I know if I were to relapse I would revert to day 1 and I might not make it out this time. I am an addict for life.
sr reminds me of what is in store if I relapse. Aa does the same thing.
Thanks.