There is a quote in an alanon book I committed to memory when I was living with my XA; Now that I am away I forgot how the phrase ended. Maybe someone can fill in the blanks. I memorized the word "wemota"
"We expect more than an alcoholic..." whatever ... "is capable of" maybe. Whenever I was disappointed I remembered that phrase and not going to the hardware store for milk. He was not capable of being there for me- I was a comfort and a cover of respectability. But he was not going to comfort me. Alcohol was all he loved.