Conflicting motivations & the loop I'm in
A big part of what motivates my drinking is not so much the pleasure that I get out of it, but how MISERABLE I've been during those times I've forced myself not to drink and white-knuckled it.
A lot of people argue that drinking or not is a 'choice', as if it's a matter of willpower (ergo, if you don't you're weak-willed). If the result of exercising that choice makes you miserable.
Our motivation is shaped by two base desires; experience pleasure, avoid pain, carrot and stick. There's carrot and stick to and to not, raelly four;Carrot to drink (e.g. pleasure etc.)Stick to drink (escape pain, comfort, relieving anxiety)Stick to not drink (e.g. avoid a hangover, health costs, tiredness)Carrot to not drink (e.g. desire to look better & lose weight)
The loop I'm in
How many people have had this experience; having a hangover, never wanting a drink again, then days later, crawling up the wall for one, buckling?
What's happening on the hangover day or the day after? There's the big stick factor. Days later that becomes a distant memory & you lost that leverage.
What happens if you resist & white-knuckle? What if that experience is DRAWN-OUT TORTURE and miserable. It makes you want to drink even more.
The loop goes something like this;
>hangover>initially don't want to drink>the stick of the hangover loses it's leverage, desire to drink emerges again>a) drink again b) resist>experience utter misery and feelings of deprivation>even stronger desire to drink (the 'stick' of that white-knuckling session)>Binge and hangover, the loop goes round ad-infinitum
The more times I try to resist, the more I want it. The longer I go without or the more times I white-knuckle it, the more I drink.
How many times have you heard about people 'yo-yo dieting'; depriving themselves of the thing they want the most, feeling miserable, then when they do give in they end up gorging themselves and putting the weight back on? This is exactly what's happening with me regarding drinking.
If you white-knuckle through enough times with shear willpower.
The 'willpower method' is akin to damming a stream, the water builds up behind the dam, using willpower is like piling more bricks on the damn. The water pressure builds up at the bottom. It doesn't matter how strong you are or how high you build the dam, without a safe way to divert the water, it WILL collapse and burst. The higher the water level, the more force and pressure it will burst out with. I hope that's a good analogy.
Thoughts about people who're successfully soberThey probably have more 'carrots' to not drink & fewer 'sticks' to drink. Alcohol probably is no longer such a central part of their lives. Either that or they must have the mental strength of a hydraulic ram with a power station driving the pump.
What I want to do here is to look into those bits that make those times when I resist so miserable and for ways to make them more bearable. To be honest, a HUGE part of what motivates me to start drinking & also what makes it hard to stop is memories of times I've felt MISERABLE without. I have a gut feeling that I'm onto something. I have a gut feeling that I'm looking in the right direction and might soon discover the key.
Thanks for reading.