Hi Starv. I am sorry things are so confusing. That's what us addicts can do at our worst- spread confusion, doubt and chaos. Make others feel bad about themselves and indulge our every infantile impulse.
You have kids with him and seem to be on a decent footing. Just work that angle and forget about anything else right now. If he can co-parent with you in some fashion and you two can be civil with each other and can communicate, that is the best you can hope for while he is active in his addiction(s).
My advice is to not let him back into your life in any other fashion until you see real long-term changes in his behavior. If he is sober for a while and in his right mind, he will not keep trying to talk you into reconciliation. He will only apologize every chance he gets and will show you through his deeds that he is changed. It will be obvious to you.