Usually fear and anxiety drive me to drink. But my physical symptoms and anxiety during and after drinking has gotten so bad that I’m scared to drink. Which is great. It’s not enough to keep me sober though I know, but it is kind of its own little blessing. When you’re an alcoholic of my kind, I will take any sort of help I can get.

I’ve been staying pretty damn sober the last few months. A couple of slips. Exercise, and Antabuse have been really helpful for me. Too bad the exercise makes me eat like I have a damn tapeworm so I’m not losing weight. BUT, my blood pressure is back into the normal range which is great. And my relationship with my kids is just awesome. Last year in April I got drunk in front of my daughter who is 12. This was only the second time she’d seen me drunk and it affected her greatly. I’ve earned her trust back and it feels great. My ex is trusting me a lot more and asked if I wanted to stop doing alcohol monitoring while I had the kids. I told her I wanted to keep doing it because there is so much at stake and I’m not too proud to do what I know is right in my heart. Hell, I still have a breathalyzer in my car even though I’m not required to have it. I’m rambling. I just want to stay sober so I thought I’d check in and see if there were any posts that spoke to me, and there were.