Thank you for your replies everyone. I am so exhausted from this roller coaster but I am learning to detach slowly I think. I don't get mad anymore. I don't search (as much ) anymore. I ask myself why I stay, or how long will I stay. I stay because I think there's hope for him and to abandon him now would feel like I was abandoning my kids. He will always be their dad and they love him. I love him too, I just hate the drinking. If I left, the drinking would sky rocket and god only knows what would happen. Even if I were to move on, the kids would be still attached to him. I think it will be more difficult for them long term than for me. He has so much going for him. I'm hoping this will be his last attempt at moderation. You see, he has finally figured it out. What caused him to drink so much was his communication (this is the story I listened to last Saturday). He lied to me about how much he was drinking, so then he had to guzzle down liquor in secret because it was too embarrassing, so if he was upfront and cut out the liquor, voila! No more drinking problem - social drinker like many of his friends. I'm nodding in disbelief that he's actually going down this road again. Anyways, he managed to go three nights sober and tonight, well, we're back to the lies and passing out again. Praying for patience and that he doesn't have to hit rock bottom again.