hi O,
i have a lot of experience of the “i thought we were having a conversation, not an argument” variety. circumstances differ, but the run-ins are the same.
you took her literally, with humour. she couldn’t see it.
i might ask a genuine question, and be understood to be criticizing . we might go by what the other says and take them at their word, and be accused of something.
a lot, i have learned, just comes down to different communication styles.
how to “fix” that, i’m not sure.
being aware of it helps.
in your present situation, it is tougher as this person has some authority, which is something you have mentioned having “issues” with before, throughout the years.
something entirely foreign to me! not!!