I remember writing quite some time ago about my life becoming very small while I was drinking. Well now it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?
I've got a list of things to do every day on my whiteboard. Nothing crazy, but I'm finding it hard to do and harder still not to be disappointed in myself when I don't hit everything every day. Things like eat three healthy meals, meditate, go for a walk, write down 5 things I'm grateful for. I was thinking to add things to the list and realized that it might make more sense to just keep trying until I can do what's on there. I find I have this familiar whiny feeling of
I don't wanna that reminds me of how it felt when I wanted to drink. Not so much I don't wanna do the Things, but I just have a general sense sometimes of not wanting to, I dunno, be conscious/present?
But on my good days, I think, "Well, isn't it good that my life is so small right now? It's about all I can handle anyhow. I've been given the gift of excused, sanctioned solitude. I can work from home, I can focus on my little list, and I get to live in a place where the whole purpose is to Not Drink. This is good."
My potential target for a new sponsor said on a Zoom meeting yesterday that she was looking for ways to be of use in her own isolation. I believe that may have been a message from the cosmos to hit her up. I'll text her tomorrow. I sent a text to two women I jived with from Rehab #2 to see if they'd like to meet up on Zoom. One responded that she's definitely up for it, but not being released until 4/27. I'm very happy that she decided to stay that long because her first plan was to leave the week after I did. The other woman is very slow on text and doesn't like to talk on the phone, but I'll keep after her.
Been too active on facebook recently. There are so many interesting and infuriating things happening in our world today. I guess it's so enticing because we're all facing the same challenges and people's responses are pretty much idiotic or wonderful. Both draw me in - the former for the gall and ignorance, the latter for the hope in humankind.
Just some random thoughts from O's Little World.
p.s. Working on day 74. Just in case anyone was wondering.