Do you think eldest would agree to rehab? I know you've said she tries to quit but if she's anything like I was her "quit attempts" might actually be part of an ongoing drinking cycle that includes some days off. And it's not that I was being dishonest... I actually thought I could and would make the necessary changes each time I tried to stop. But (as I think it does for most of us) it took some pretty significant warning signs and disasters to wake me up from that delusion.
She will not agree to rehab and is noncommittal about sober living, thinking she should and will be able to do this on her own. She knows all The Things, has a sober network, etc... Sound familiar? I know she means it 100%, as I did. I just don't know what's going to wake her up to make this stick. She sounded SO much better yesterday that I asked directly if she'd been drinking and she denied that but confessed that she had purchased a beer and a shot for later. She poured it out while we were on the phone, but that's shocking given how very frightening this last detox was for her. Not surprising, and I'm not disappointed in her you understand. I just don't know what I can do aside from insisting that she does, indeed, do this on her own. Not remove anything, as you said, but not give any more. I told her yesterday that I was not comfortable with her in my home and that she needs to go back to her apartment and she's agreed to do that tomorrow.
Hawk, I'm really sorry your spouse is back in his sad rut. This is so sad for you and for him too. I honestly don't know how you do it. I'd say your frustration and anger is appropriate and focusing the latter on the vodka itself makes sense to me.