in the same way that today we are all social distancing to keep ourselves (and others) safe, the same practice can be applied to dealing with the alcoholic/addict - EMOTIONAL DISTANCING. done for the same reasons - to keep ourselves (and others, including chidren) SAFE from the effects of addiction.
every interaction you have with him is crazy making. every time you react, you have violated your own emotional distancing. it is incumbent upon you to put emotional barriers in place - for you and the kids. to the best of your ability.
this means not rising to the bait, not poking the bear, not engaging in yet another fruitless argument. this doesn't mean you instigate and US versus HIM mentality. but it does mean you provide emotional solace and support for yourself and your kids. in a thoughtful, guided way.