Thank you Dee, Erratoc and Daishy for your kind words and your wisdom.
Happy to report am feeling in a better headspace today.
My mum has treated positive for the corona virus. Wasn't expecting that but in a way I felt relief. Although the tests for cancer wont be back till tomorrow and the virus isn't a good thing to have obviously but I was getting myself in a state yesterday thinking she may have stage 4 breast cancer. She is doing good though, she isnt on a ventilator, her oxygen levels are good, she has an appetite and normal temperature. So that's all positive and I am going to cling on to that as I don't want to be where I was yesterday. Absolutely zero desire to drink however I did pop to the shops this e being for chocolate and sweets hahah. Eff it, it's better than drinking.
Thank you all for being there. I hope you are all doing well too
Xxxx