horsegirl

Ugh! So I got the dreaded text after 35 days NC. He asked how the quarantine was treating me and we chatted via text for a few minutes.
I stayed really dry but was not hostile. He said he wanted to pay me some money next week (for those of you that don’t know , he owes me some money). I didn’t respond to his message regarding paying , cuz why? . Now of course my mind is having fantasies. maybe he has had time to think about how he treated me and has remorse , maybe he really does miss me, maybe maybe maybe ... Grr I’m so mad at myself. I am trying to train my brain that saying maybe is no good . I need to keep reality on the forefront . I really struggle with reminding myself when I go down the slippery slope. Why can I not just get over this person already. I have been regularly attending Alanon, reading up on narcissistic tendencies , forgiveness (mostly how to forgive myself , as of course I have completely forgiven him ) . I’ve read that alcoholics and narcissists have a lot of the same characteristics. What are your all thoughts about that? I waiver between was he just an alcoholic or was he a narcissist. Not sure why I feel like I need to figure it out.. guess I just hope he is an alcoholic , then there is a chance for him to heal and potentially be a happy healthy person. I know I know, don’t worry about him , worry about myself . It just feels like I need to come to terms with what he was so I can move on.