You got some insightful followers on this here thread:
Love this:
it is my experience that at a point I have to act myself into right thinking. I can't think myself into right action. But there's that balance right? Enough analysis to define directional action....without paralysis. Where that balance lies is individual I think. So analyze away. You are obviously getting into the action part as well. I know, for me, I have learned to accept that I will never be all sorted out. Its like a favorite necklace that I can never untangle. It stays in the jewelry box but I just let it go. Won't where that one again.
And this:
The compelling drive for me this past 8 months has been survival. Fear of this thing really getting on top of me and finishing me off, or ruining what's left of my life. That is visceral, and immediate. Inevitable self-immolation was in the post-industrial burnt-out foreground of my last relapse, no kidding.
Fixing my psyche and processing my Whys right now are distant misty mountains in my far off landscape--there to be visited when I have time and leisure, but they need not be resolved, even by my ever-busy mind if they take my focus off sober-no-matter-what.
And this too:
Nice! I add to my program, not subtract. The more of my day I have to spend with 'Eat, read, pray, meditate, meetings, learn, exercise, sleep' the less time I have to get into trouble
People can and do spend a fortune to private rehab to get less good insight than that.
Thanks O and her peeps and SR.